January Seems Long

January has seemed like the longest month ever and I realized today that I haven't posted in some time. Why?

I haven't posted because I haven't felt good, and didn't want sound like a whiner because after all I made the decision to get off valium, didn't I?

But, in the interests of my being able to look back at this post someday and see how the whole thing went down, I am posting today to say that the road to recovery is full of bumps. After feeling like I was "out of the woods" mid January saw me struggling with super anxiety, panic attacks and nasty self confidence issues. Thus I became quiet, didn't want anyone to know I wasn't the poster child for benzo withdrawal.

But, on a positive note, I haven't broke down and taken a dose. Oh, I've thought about it many times. But, after all I've been through getting off the drugs I feel like I've got to continue on my chosen path. Research reveals that most folks take at least a year and some a whole lot longer to get totally well. I am called to be patient, to be gentle with myself and to take time out to relax more.

I'm reasonably certain that I've done too much during the days that I was feeling so good.. shopping trips, vacations, family dinners, and much housecleaning.. and now my CNS has it's knickers in a knot lol.. so I will treat myself better, take a long hot bath, read another book, watch another movie and remember I am in the process of healing.

I continue to be grateful.. for all the birds who come to my feeders, for my family, my husband's help and support, letting go of so much weight and being able to wear a size 8 again.. a lifestyle that gives me the opportunity to rest, and glimpses into all that life holds for me as I continue to get better and better.